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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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New 'Huckleberry Finn' Edited For Language

A new edition of the Mark Twain classic Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, forthcoming next month from NewSouth Books, will replace every use of the word "nigger" with the word "slave." What do you think?

  • "In my classroom, we replace every use of the word ‘slave’ with ‘nigger.’ The only reason I haven't been fired is because no one wants to be a teacher."

    Quentin King Teacher
  • "Oh, please. I thought of that years ago when I took a ballpoint pen and replaced every instance of the word ‘rape’ in The Color Purple with ‘unfortunate sexual happening.’”

    Victor Duprix Hair Stylist
  • "Wait, is that what that word means? I've been using it all wrong."

    Sara Graham Dental Receptionist
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