adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Grandma Looking Like Absolute Shit Lately

VERO BEACH, FL—Unable to ignore the 86-year-old’s dramatic physical decline since they last saw her, sources within the Delahunt family reported Monday that their grandmother Shirley is looking like absolute shit lately.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Indiana Jones Film In The Works

After a year of rumors, Disney has confirmed that Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg are teaming up for a fifth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise, due out July 2019. What do you think?

  • “Why not? It worked twice before.”

    Rick Buhrman Gait Corrector
  • “Fans of the franchise have made it perfectly clear that what we’re really looking for is a serialized Short Round spinoff.”

    Donnie McCluskey Interim Dishwasher
  • “Will they be able to reclaim his hat from the Planet Hollywood in Orlando?”

    Livia Perl Aspiring Bailiff

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close