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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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New Indiana Jones Film In The Works

After a year of rumors, Disney has confirmed that Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg are teaming up for a fifth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise, due out July 2019. What do you think?

  • “Why not? It worked twice before.”

    Rick Buhrman Gait Corrector
  • “Fans of the franchise have made it perfectly clear that what we’re really looking for is a serialized Short Round spinoff.”

    Donnie McCluskey Interim Dishwasher
  • “Will they be able to reclaim his hat from the Planet Hollywood in Orlando?”

    Livia Perl Aspiring Bailiff

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