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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

New Medicare Plan

Criticized as needlessly confusing, the new Medicare prescription-drug program, Medicare Part D, went into effect this week. What do you think?
  • "I’ve gone through all the paperwork at least 10 times, but no matter how I fill it out, I always end up on page 35M5, Line 18, which just says 'Fuck You, Grandma.'"

    Michelle Halley
    Crossing Guard
  • "Does this cover the dog’s pills? Because those are the ones I take."

    Cameron Feng
    Systems Analyst
  • "The new Medicare plan is far too difficult to make sense of, which is why I have chosen to die earlier than I had initially planned."

    Ben Chisholm
    Motorcycle Mechanic
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