adBlockCheck

Local

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Mexico Bans Cockfighting

New Mexico banned cockfighting last week, making Louisiana the only state where it remains legal. What do you think?
  • "Isn't it better that those crazy roosters fight each other rather than us?"

    Daniel Rosen Donut Maker
  • "But if a fight should break out naturally, who's to judge the human urge to make it interesting?"

    Anne Malloy Historian
  • "Damn. That was the only sport left where I could stand around a pit screaming and clutching a sweaty wad of money in my hand."

    Frank Benedict Back Hoe Operator
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close