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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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New Mexico Governor's Grandparents Were Illegal Immigrants

Gov. Susana Martinez, who supports a bill that would prevent illegal immigrants from obtaining driver's licenses in New Mexico, has acknowledged her father's parents came to the United States without papers. What do you think?

  • “That’s why America is great. In just two generations, you can go from a being a struggling immigrant to hating one.”

    Osamu Hall Systems Analyst
  • "If I were governor and they were my grandparents, I think I would have eventually given them their papers."

    Thea Golding Occupational Therapy Aide
  • "I refuse to answer your question, good sir, as it seems you are insinuating hypocrisy among an elected official. How dare you?"

    Marvin Staple Woods Boss

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