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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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New Mexico Governor's Grandparents Were Illegal Immigrants

Gov. Susana Martinez, who supports a bill that would prevent illegal immigrants from obtaining driver's licenses in New Mexico, has acknowledged her father's parents came to the United States without papers. What do you think?

  • “That’s why America is great. In just two generations, you can go from a being a struggling immigrant to hating one.”

    Osamu Hall Systems Analyst
  • "If I were governor and they were my grandparents, I think I would have eventually given them their papers."

    Thea Golding Occupational Therapy Aide
  • "I refuse to answer your question, good sir, as it seems you are insinuating hypocrisy among an elected official. How dare you?"

    Marvin Staple Woods Boss

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