New Monkey Discovered

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Grin Slowly Spreads Across Mom’s Face As Meal Revealed To Contain Healthy Ingredients

‘The Mashed Potatoes Are Actually Made With Cauliflower,’ She Announces

VERONA, WI—Having waited until everyone at the table had finished their dinner Monday, a knowing grin reportedly spread across local mother Angela Hopkins’ face as she announced to her family that the mashed potatoes had in fact been made using cauliflower as a healthier alternative.
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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.


New Monkey Discovered

Previously undocumented by science but known to locals as the lesula, a shy species of monkey with a hairless face and blond mane was discovered by zoologists in the remote lowland rainforests of the Democratic Republic of Congo. What do you think?

  • “Before we get attached to this new species, are there any natural resources in its habitat we might want to exploit?”

    Ian Fung
  • “Just skip to the important details. How strong is its organ-grinding arm, and does it know its way around a pair of cymbals?”

    Maggie Noble
    Nursery School Attendant
  • “Doesn’t change a thing for me. My favorite primate with a hairless face and blond mane is still Pamela Anderson.”

    Rolf Hofschneider
    Port Warden