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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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New Monkey Discovered

Previously undocumented by science but known to locals as the lesula, a shy species of monkey with a hairless face and blond mane was discovered by zoologists in the remote lowland rainforests of the Democratic Republic of Congo. What do you think?

  • “Before we get attached to this new species, are there any natural resources in its habitat we might want to exploit?”

    Ian Fung Unemployed
  • “Just skip to the important details. How strong is its organ-grinding arm, and does it know its way around a pair of cymbals?”

    Maggie Noble Nursery School Attendant
  • “Doesn’t change a thing for me. My favorite primate with a hairless face and blond mane is still Pamela Anderson.”

    Rolf Hofschneider Port Warden

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