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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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New Moon Discovered Orbiting Neptune

While studying pictures of Neptune, astronomer Mark Showalter noticed a small white spot that, upon further investigation, was found to be a previously unknown moon, the planet’s fourteenth, which will go by the designation S/2004 N 1. What do you think?

  • “Earth is such a one-moon joke of a planet.”

    Spencer Lovelady Crystal Inspector
  • “They should name it Anya. I love that name.”

    Sid Kaminsky Actuarial Clerk
  • “Showalter’s done it again!”

    Elizabeth Barbanell Filbert Grower

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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