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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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New Moore Doc Released On Internet

Slacker Uprising, filmmaker Michael Moore's new documentary about his 2004 tour, was released for free on the Internet on Tuesday. What do you think?
  • "He's going to lose a lot of money. A years-old documentary on Michael Moore's failed attempt to get John Kerry elected was sure to be a cash cow."

    Lana Carver Systems Analyst
  • "A bunch of my tech friends and I are gonna figure out how to hack into it so we can pay for it."

    Monte Hauk Computer Programmer
  • "Check me out at 43 minutes in! I spit on a protester on my way to the Pentagon!"

    Adrian Sydnor Defense Contractor
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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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