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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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New Orleans Pets

According to reports, many people in New Orleans are reluctant to evacuate because they don't want to leave their pets. What do you think?
  • "As the owner of a Chihuahua, I've been looking for an excuse to ditch that damn thing for years."

    Rebecca Basset Systems Analyst
  • "I don’t blame them. With the situation down there the way it is, those pets are a valuable food source."

    Marcus Brauer Custodian
  • "Kitties and doggies in trouble? Finally, something to put a human face on this tragedy."

    Walt Kirsch Tax Preparer

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