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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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New Plus-Size Clothing Store To Play Pre-Recorded Compliments In Fitting Rooms

According to the British website GetWestLondon, a new plus-size clothing store outside London plans to feature fitting rooms that play audio recordings of compliments while customers try on clothes. What do you think?

  • “That’s all right, I always bring some friends to give me insincere compliments whenever I go shopping.”

    Mary Clearwater Curriculum Designer
  • “It’s nice to know that in London, plus-size people are also considered idiots.”

    Matt Herndon Parking Ticket Issuer
  • “Sorry, but no machine can make the experience of trying on clothes as awkward and uncomfortable as a real-life salesperson.”

    Amelia Barston Visitor Center Representative

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