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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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New Plus-Size Clothing Store To Play Pre-Recorded Compliments In Fitting Rooms

According to the British website GetWestLondon, a new plus-size clothing store outside London plans to feature fitting rooms that play audio recordings of compliments while customers try on clothes. What do you think?

  • “That’s all right, I always bring some friends to give me insincere compliments whenever I go shopping.”

    Mary Clearwater Curriculum Designer
  • “It’s nice to know that in London, plus-size people are also considered idiots.”

    Matt Herndon Parking Ticket Issuer
  • “Sorry, but no machine can make the experience of trying on clothes as awkward and uncomfortable as a real-life salesperson.”

    Amelia Barston Visitor Center Representative

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