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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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New Samsung Phone To Be Controlled By Eye Movements

According to sources, new eye-tracking technology in Samsung’s Galaxy S IV smartphone, which is set to debut on March 14, will allow users to scroll through webpages and applications by simply moving their eyes. What do you think?

  • “Could work, but it’ll take some convincing to get people used to the idea of constantly looking at their cell phones.”

    Marcel Inget Canary Breeder
  • “Ugh. So you’re telling me I have to move my eyes just to make the pages move?”

    Steve Terezakis Window Cleaner
  • “I already know that my snoopy coworker is going to fuck this all up for me.”

    Tanya Abbott Respiratory Therapist

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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