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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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New ‘SheTaxi’ Cab Service Exclusively For Female Passengers, Drivers

A new smartphone app called SheTaxi launching in New York later this month allows women to order taxis driven exclusively by female drivers so they can avoid harassment from male drivers. What do you think?

  • “As long as I’ll still have the opportunity to experience harassment while walking to or from a cab.”

    Penny Fuller Class Scheduler
  • “Yeah, us cabbies sometimes say sexist things, but that’s the flyboy arrogance you need to get from SoHo to Union Square in four minutes flat, sweetheart.”

    Bert Greene Cab Driver
  • “There’s nothing quite like the safety a woman feels being judged silently by another female.”

    Marcos Wood Pint Glass Rinser

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