adBlockCheck

Recent News

Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
End Of Section
  • More News

New ‘Smart Polo’ Detects Wearer’s Stress Levels

At the U.S. Open this week, Ralph Lauren debuted new wearable technology called the “Smart Polo” shirt, which uses sensors integrated in the fabric to detect the wearer’s stress levels, that needs to be recharged after 30 workouts. What do you think?

  • “Having a shirt that I have to worry about recharging should do wonders for my stress.”

    Josiah Leeds Hiking Docent
  • “It’s about time someone created a shirt I’m afraid will electrocute me when it rains.”

    Nancy Lenehan Lanyard Weaver
  • “If you just pop the collar, your stress levels would be cut in half instantly.”

    Jake Bressler Summer Associate

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close