New ‘Star Wars’ Film Set 30 Years After ‘Return Of The Jedi’

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Vol 50 Issue 11

Cheddar Cheese Prices Skyrocket Due To Chinese Demand

The Dairy Export Council reported this week that the cost of cheddar cheese climbed 18 percent this year to its highest price ever because domestic manufacturers have been unable to meet the demand for cheese by Chinese purchasers.

Lowly Mortal Opens Portal To Hell

John Kerry poses as a masseuse to get a few minutes with Putin, parents reminisce to their children about the dating algorithm that brought them together, and a lowly mortal opens a portal to hell.

Surge Answered With Rally

SAN DIEGO—With a succession of quick baskets during the NCAA Tournament Friday, sources confirmed that a surge was quickly answered by a rally.

Sleep Loss Can Cause Brain Damage

A study published this week in the journal Neuroscience found that inconsistent sleep patterns, including not sleeping enough and sleeping erratic hours, can result in an irreversible loss of brain neurons.
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New ‘Star Wars’ Film Set 30 Years After ‘Return Of The Jedi’

Disney CEO Bob Iger announced yesterday that the new Star Wars film will be set 30 years after the conclusion of Return Of The Jedi, following up news from the film’s official website that it will feature “new young leads along with some very familiar faces.” What do you think?

  • “Fine with me as long as they find a way to clarify that at the beginning of the film.”

    Jasper Pilgreen
    Economic Researcher
  • “I’m as excited as anyone, but come on—it’s just a movie. Did they really have to build an entire website for it?”

    Chad Mouser
    Tax Auditor
  • “Nice! I hope it all takes place at some sort of reunion dance.”

    Sari Ramswell
    Curriculum Designer
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