adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

New ‘Star Wars’ Film Set 30 Years After ‘Return Of The Jedi’

Disney CEO Bob Iger announced yesterday that the new Star Wars film will be set 30 years after the conclusion of Return Of The Jedi, following up news from the film’s official website that it will feature “new young leads along with some very familiar faces.” What do you think?

  • “Fine with me as long as they find a way to clarify that at the beginning of the film.”

    Jasper Pilgreen Economic Researcher
  • “I’m as excited as anyone, but come on—it’s just a movie. Did they really have to build an entire website for it?”

    Chad Mouser Tax Auditor
  • “Nice! I hope it all takes place at some sort of reunion dance.”

    Sari Ramswell Curriculum Designer
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close