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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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New ‘Star Wars’ Film Set 30 Years After ‘Return Of The Jedi’

Disney CEO Bob Iger announced yesterday that the new Star Wars film will be set 30 years after the conclusion of Return Of The Jedi, following up news from the film’s official website that it will feature “new young leads along with some very familiar faces.” What do you think?

  • “Fine with me as long as they find a way to clarify that at the beginning of the film.”

    Jasper Pilgreen Economic Researcher
  • “I’m as excited as anyone, but come on—it’s just a movie. Did they really have to build an entire website for it?”

    Chad Mouser Tax Auditor
  • “Nice! I hope it all takes place at some sort of reunion dance.”

    Sari Ramswell Curriculum Designer
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