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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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New Survey Highlights Silicon Valley Sexism

A recent survey of 200 high-ranking women in Silicon Valley found that 60 percent of respondents had received unwanted sexual advances from colleagues and 75 percent have been asked about their marital status in an interview, statistics that highlight the persistent gender gap in the tech world. What do you think?

  • “A magazine feature showcasing successful women in tech will fix this in a pinch.”

    Carl McEnroe Chocolate Foiler
  • “I’ve always felt that women deserve a lot more respect to compensate for their lower salaries.”

    Chuck Gower Bus Cleaner
  • “This news is going to lead to some awkward conversations around the office ball pit.”

    Maren Boltz Systems Analyst

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