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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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New Technology Creates Mug Shots From DNA

Scientists have announced the creation of a new technology capable of producing 3D models of people’s faces by examining their DNA, a tool experts say could help police create mug shots of criminals from DNA evidence taken from a crime scene. What do you think?

  • “I’ll miss the soft eyes and gentle hues that a pencil drawing can highlight in a criminal.”

    Mary Gillebrand Greeting Card Printer
  • “Call me old-fashioned, but you don’t need some fancy modeling computer for mug shots. Just describe the criminal’s DNA structure to a sketch artist and they’ll do the rest.”

    Mark Hammond Branch Trimmer
  • “Can they make me a new mug shot? I’ve always hated mine.”

    Jasper Stout Unemployed

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