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New Technology Creates Mug Shots From DNA

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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New Technology Creates Mug Shots From DNA

Scientists have announced the creation of a new technology capable of producing 3D models of people’s faces by examining their DNA, a tool experts say could help police create mug shots of criminals from DNA evidence taken from a crime scene. What do you think?

  • “I’ll miss the soft eyes and gentle hues that a pencil drawing can highlight in a criminal.”

    Mary Gillebrand Greeting Card Printer
  • “Call me old-fashioned, but you don’t need some fancy modeling computer for mug shots. Just describe the criminal’s DNA structure to a sketch artist and they’ll do the rest.”

    Mark Hammond Branch Trimmer
  • “Can they make me a new mug shot? I’ve always hated mine.”

    Jasper Stout Unemployed

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