New Terror Plot Stopped

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Vol 42 Issue 32

Pluto Not A Planet?

Scientists from around the world are convening this week to decide whether or not Pluto fits the definition of a planet. What do you think?

Texas Penguin Truck Accident

Last week, a truck carrying exotic fish, penguins, and an octopus overturned on a Texas highway, spilling its cargo. What do you think?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

New Terror Plot Stopped

The country's aviation system is on high orange alert after officials broke up an al Qaeda plot to set off homemade bombs on flights from London to the U.S. What do you think?
  • "It's a sad day for humanity when promising young men choose to turn household items into bombs rather than drugs."

    Bettie Ledderer
    Nurse
  • "I think we all owe the British authorities a huge 'thank you' for preventing the shooting of countless terrible movies five years from now."

    Dennis Cornelius
    Systems Analyst
  • "These men may have been misguided, but it's not like there's a right way to commemorate the anniversary of September 11th."

    Gene Reiss
    Health Inspector
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