adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Terror Plot Stopped

The country's aviation system is on high orange alert after officials broke up an al Qaeda plot to set off homemade bombs on flights from London to the U.S. What do you think?
  • "It's a sad day for humanity when promising young men choose to turn household items into bombs rather than drugs."

    Bettie Ledderer Nurse
  • "I think we all owe the British authorities a huge 'thank you' for preventing the shooting of countless terrible movies five years from now."

    Dennis Cornelius Systems Analyst
  • "These men may have been misguided, but it's not like there's a right way to commemorate the anniversary of September 11th."

    Gene Reiss Health Inspector

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close