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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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New Theme Park To Feature Model Of Noah’s Ark

Creation Museum president Ken Ham has announced that thanks to a surge in donations after his debate with Bill Nye, his Christian ministry has raised enough money to begin building a $73 million theme park called Ark Encounter featuring a 150-foot-long model of Noah’s Ark. What do you think?

  • “Finally, a theme park that shares my contempt for science.”

    Dan Gill Public Park Supervisor
  • “Seventy-three million dollars, just like the Bible says.”

    Julie Courbold Town Clerk
  • “It’s about time someone commemorated the time God tried to kill us all.”

    Jeff Borten Operations Manager
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