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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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New Trojan Horse Strikes Mac

A rare new Trojan horse that targets Mac users and takes over their computers has been found on pornographic websites. What do you think?
  • "Though I know this Mac virus is undesirable, its rarity gives me an unquenchable thirst to possess it."

    Rick Donnelly Ground Crew
  • "Before I answer I'd first like to know what the current societal views are regarding online pornography."

    Bettie Farnsworth Stocker
  • "Wait a minute. You can access porn on something that isn't a wall calendar? When did that happen?"

    Dan Benincasa Systems Analyst

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