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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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New Twitter Video Service Rife With User Porn

Launched Thursday, Twitter’s new video app called Vine, which allows users to upload and share up to six seconds of footage, has already drawn a wide variety of self-made exhibitionist clips, as well as explicit sexual videos. What do you think?

  • “To be fair, I’ll probably just show my penis a couple times and then quit.”

    Mitchell Glover Greenskeeper
  • “I like them. Those concise, six-second pornos are often the most poignant.”

    Veronique Fricker Systems Analyst
  • “I don’t know how I’m going to explain this to my grandmother, or why.”

    Ned Lloyd Bindery Worker
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