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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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New Year's Resolutions

Every year, Americans celebrate the New Year by resolving to change some aspect of their lives. What is your New Year's resolution?
  • "Thanks for the heads-up. I'm going to make my resolution now and get a week's jump on all the other chumps."

    Darcy Fletcher Elevator Inspector
  • "I observe the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, which has already happened. For that New Year, I resolved to let everyone know that January 1st is not the only New Year."

    Ross Bernstein Systems Analyst
  • "I'm glad New Year's is coming up. I've been looking for an excuse to finally take care of this gangrenous leg."

    Matt Tulley Cabinetmaker

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