New Year's Resolutions

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New York City Abuzz Over New Resident

NEW YORK—With word spreading rapidly through office towers, apartment buildings, and across all five boroughs, sources confirmed Friday that New Yorkers were abuzz over reports that a new resident had moved to the city.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.
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Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

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New Year's Resolutions

Every year, Americans celebrate the New Year by resolving to change some aspect of their lives. What is your New Year's resolution?
  • "Thanks for the heads-up. I'm going to make my resolution now and get a week's jump on all the other chumps."

    Darcy Fletcher
    Elevator Inspector
  • "I observe the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, which has already happened. For that New Year, I resolved to let everyone know that January 1st is not the only New Year."

    Ross Bernstein
    Systems Analyst
  • "I'm glad New Year's is coming up. I've been looking for an excuse to finally take care of this gangrenous leg."

    Matt Tulley
    Cabinetmaker
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