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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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New York Outlaws Pet Tattoos, Piercings

New York lawmakers have passed a bill forbidding pet owners from giving their pets tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications under the argument that it constitutes animal cruelty. What do you think?

  • “That’s bullshit! Here's Luna’s paw print, right on the consent form!”

    Martha Toker Trail Guide
  • “That’s great to hear, because I’m the kind of guy who needs a law to stop him from doing this.”

    David Aylward Systems Analyst
  • “They clearly have no idea how difficult it is to remove ear gauges from a dachshund.”

    Jim Ruch Coffee Taster
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