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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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New York Outlaws Pet Tattoos, Piercings

New York lawmakers have passed a bill forbidding pet owners from giving their pets tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications under the argument that it constitutes animal cruelty. What do you think?

  • “That’s bullshit! Here's Luna’s paw print, right on the consent form!”

    Martha Toker Trail Guide
  • “That’s great to hear, because I’m the kind of guy who needs a law to stop him from doing this.”

    David Aylward Systems Analyst
  • “They clearly have no idea how difficult it is to remove ear gauges from a dachshund.”

    Jim Ruch Coffee Taster
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