New York Passes Gun Control Bill

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Vol 49 Issue 03

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Let’s go! Come on, it’ll be fun. Have you ever been to the Lucky Star Lanes? They turn on a bunch of neon lights and play disco music after 9!

Bill Belichick Builds New Tight End From Mutilated Dog Parts

FOXBOROUGH, MA—In a savage and gruesome turn of events, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick reportedly slaughtered a half-dozen dogs adopted from the humane society Friday, sewing together the dismembered body parts to construct a new, horrific tight...
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New York Passes Gun Control Bill

New York state lawmakers passed a bill today tightening restrictions on the sale of assault weapons, forcing current owners of such guns to register them with the state, and limiting the ability of the mentally ill to obtain firearms, making the state’s gun laws the most restrictive in the nation. What do you think?

  • “See how much political change is possible with just a few dozen unspeakable tragedies?”

    Geno Browning
    Unemployed
  • “So up until now, we were selling assault rifles to the mentally ill?”

    Harriet Lombardo
    Drafter
  • “I miss Old New York, where a guy could kick back at the bar with a cigarette, a 32-ounce soda, and his assault rifle.”

    Jim Metzman
    Freight Inspector
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