New York To ‘Shut Off’ Niagara Falls

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New York To ‘Shut Off’ Niagara Falls

In order to remove old, defunct bridges from the site and lay foundation for new ones, the state of New York will use a process called dewatering to briefly halt the flow of Niagara Falls, a relatively simple procedure that is projected to cost $3 million. What do you think?

  • “As long as it’s easy and cheap, I’m all for upending the laws of nature.”

    Andy Wilcop Shoe Lacer
  • “But crumbling infrastructure is part of the American aesthetic.”

    Georgia Vernon Network Scheduler
  • “Get those skateboards ready!”

    Jack Teagan Loom Instructor


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close