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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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‘New York Times’ Editor Fired

New York Times chairman Arthur Sulzberger Jr. announced Wednesday he’s replacing Executive Editor Jill Abramson, the paper’s first female newsroom chief, in a move media insiders say may have to do with Abramson questioning her salary level as compared to her male predecessors’. What do you think?

  • “This is an inspirational story for all women who hope to one day rise to one of the most prestigious positions in their industry only to be fired from it under questionable circumstances.”

    Tim Lefebvre Highway Paver
  • “I really don’t see why we have to spoil this discussion by bringing the history of gender-discriminatory wage practices into it.”

    Caroline Murray Fan Installer
  • “After spending all that time writing stories about other people, it must be exciting for journalists to get to be the center of attention.”

    Gregory Bodt Unemployed

More from this section

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

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