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Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
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New York Tour Bus Dangers

After two fatal tour bus accidents occurred in a single week, authorities in New York conducted random inspections in which 14 of 14 buses stopped were taken taken off the road for safety violations. What do you think?

  • "It's a good thing they found all 14 of the bad buses."

    Evan Blackwell Cap Maker
  • "You know, it’d be a lot more useful if the state would just release a list of commercial vehicles that unlicensed felons were allowed to operate."

    Patricia Lordan Turning Machine Operator
  • "Huh. 'Buses'? That word looks funny, right? I know I'm saying this out loud, but when it's transcribed it'll probably look all weird. Then again, doesn't 'busses' look even weirder? I bet it does."

    Thomas Marcellino Malt Roaster

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