Newt Won't Run

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

Newt Won't Run

Stating that the current campaign finance laws preclude a "middle-class candidate" from running for president, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced that he would not run in 2008. What do you think?
  • "Did he already blow all his royalties from the contract with America?"

    Keith Solomon
    Farm Hand
  • "These campaign laws must change. They fail to provide political dinosaurs with believable excuses for dropping their candidacy."

    Amy Carr
    Music Librarian
  • "There goes Newt again! Looking out for the common man."

    Andrew Greer
    Personal Assistant