adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Newt Won't Run

Stating that the current campaign finance laws preclude a "middle-class candidate" from running for president, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced that he would not run in 2008. What do you think?
  • "Did he already blow all his royalties from the contract with America?"

    Keith Solomon Farm Hand
  • "These campaign laws must change. They fail to provide political dinosaurs with believable excuses for dropping their candidacy."

    Amy Carr Music Librarian
  • "There goes Newt again! Looking out for the common man."

    Andrew Greer Personal Assistant
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close