Newt Won't Run

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.


Newt Won't Run

Stating that the current campaign finance laws preclude a "middle-class candidate" from running for president, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced that he would not run in 2008. What do you think?
  • "Did he already blow all his royalties from the contract with America?"

    Keith Solomon
    Farm Hand
  • "These campaign laws must change. They fail to provide political dinosaurs with believable excuses for dropping their candidacy."

    Amy Carr
    Music Librarian
  • "There goes Newt again! Looking out for the common man."

    Andrew Greer
    Personal Assistant