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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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NFL To Atlanta: No Super Bowl If Anti-Gay Law Passed

The NFL has warned they might not allow Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium to host any upcoming Super Bowl games if Georgia passes House Bill 757, a proposal to restrict the civil rights of LGBT citizens. What do you think?

  • “And deny football fans the splendor of a Georgia February? How dare they!”

    Belinda Caine Stoplight Polisher
  • “When the NFL is ahead of you on human rights, you’ve got bigger problems.”

    Ron Bouchard Faucet Craftsman
  • “I, for one, am proud of the league for their socially progressive threats.”

    Terrance Cleisher Grout Specialist
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