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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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NFL: Musicians Should Pay To Perform At Super Bowl Halftime Show

According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, while vetting its top choices to play at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show, the NFL asked musicians whether or not they would be willing to “contribute a portion of their post-Super Bowl tour income” to the league or to “make some other type of financial contribution” for the privilege of getting to perform. What do you think?

  • “Makes sense. For me, the Super Bowl is where I go to learn about all the hottest musical acts.”

    Graham Simonds Systems Analyst
  • “I don’t know, I’m worried that taking in that much money could somehow corrupt the National Football League.”

    Linda Mazzola Support Group Moderator
  • “Well, where else would big, international acts get a chance to perform for an audience?”

    Scott Thoreson Windex Tester
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