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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Nigerian Officials Try To Block 'District 9'

Nigerian information minister Dora Akunyili has asked movie houses to stop screening the science fiction film District 9 because of its unflattering portrayal of Nigerians. What do you think?
  • "If the Nigerians would just lose a little weight, they'd have nothing to worry about."

    Gerald Collins Carpet Installer
  • "I saw District 9, and it didn't change what I think about Nigerians. Which is nothing. I only think about America."

    Tiffany Fripp Urologist
  • "Because the Nigerian government's vast oil wealth is always generously and transparently passed down to its grateful citizens, you can see why the information minister would chafe at a film that portrays Nigerians as corrupt thugs."

    Aaron Turrington Fireman

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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