Nintendo Introduces New 'Vitality Sensor'

In This Section

Vol 45 Issue 23

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Nintendo Introduces New 'Vitality Sensor'

At the Electronic Entertainment Expo, Nintendo unveiled the Wii Vitality Sensor, a device that attaches to your finger and, according to the manufacturer, promotes relaxation as it creates a visual representation of your "inner world." What do you think?
  • "If Nintendo wants me to relax with something that attaches to my finger, they’d better start making cigarettes.”

    Alex Franklin
    Notch Grinder
  • "How inner? I don't think revisiting that uncomfortable 15 minutes out behind the Dairy Queen in 1982 is going to help me relax."

    Jon Thannum
    Quality Control Tester
  • "If there’s anything our nation's video gamers need to learn, it’s how to take a little time for themselves and unwind.”

    Kelly LaRocco
    Traffic Technician
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More