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‘SportsCenter’ Co-Anchors Clearly Dating

BRISTOL, CT—Saying that the pair could barely take their eyes off one another throughout the hour-long sports news program, ESPN viewers told reporters Friday that it is increasingly clear SportsCenter anchors John Anderson and Matt Barrie are currently dating.

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Doctors Recommend Getting 8 Centuries Of Cryosleep

    STANFORD, CA—Claiming that the practice is essential for effectively recharging the body and waking fully rested and alert, doctors at Stanford University issued a report Monday emphasizing the importance of getting at least eight centuries of atomi...

No Baghdad Wall

The Iraqi prime minister has ordered the U.S. military to stop construction of a wall separating Shia and Sunni neighborhoods in Baghdad. What do you think?
  • "Can't they build it and then
    tear it down as a tangible metaphor?"

    Justin Morris
    Choreographer
  • "A wall can't solve Iraq's security problems. Only diplomacy or the complete annihilation of one of the sects can."

    Justine Schimer
    Lab Technician
  • "Honestly, there's just no pleasing these people."

    Vincent Gorey-Obs
    Floor Manager
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