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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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No Charges For Rove

Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed Karl Rove that he will not face charges over his role in the outing of a CIA agent Valerie Plame. What do you think?
  • "It's a shame. Rove had written a very moving, eloquent pardon for the president to sign."

    Jerome McNamara Brick Layer
  • "So, leaking a CIA agent's name is legal now? Ha, ha! Sucks to be you, Middle East counter-terrorism operative Marlon Taylor!"

    Kyle Modjeski Manicurist
  • "Finally, Karl Rove can get back to work. The White House Brita really needs a new filter, and the lawn hasn't been mowed in God knows how long."

    Alice Verne Video Store Clerk

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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