No Charges For Rove

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Horrifying Police Body Camera Footage Clearly Shows Current State Of America

CINCINNATI—Following a traffic stop earlier this month by a University of Cincinnati police officer that ended in the shooting death of an unarmed black motorist, authorities confirmed Thursday that the disturbing video recorded by the officer’s body camera clearly and graphically shows the current state of America.

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.
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Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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No Charges For Rove

Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed Karl Rove that he will not face charges over his role in the outing of a CIA agent Valerie Plame. What do you think?
  • "It's a shame. Rove had written a very moving, eloquent pardon for the president to sign."

    Jerome McNamara
    Brick Layer
  • "So, leaking a CIA agent's name is legal now? Ha, ha! Sucks to be you, Middle East counter-terrorism operative Marlon Taylor!"

    Kyle Modjeski
    Manicurist
  • "Finally, Karl Rove can get back to work. The White House Brita really needs a new filter, and the lawn hasn't been mowed in God knows how long."

    Alice Verne
    Video Store Clerk