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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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No Charges For Rove

Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed Karl Rove that he will not face charges over his role in the outing of a CIA agent Valerie Plame. What do you think?
  • "It's a shame. Rove had written a very moving, eloquent pardon for the president to sign."

    Jerome McNamara Brick Layer
  • "So, leaking a CIA agent's name is legal now? Ha, ha! Sucks to be you, Middle East counter-terrorism operative Marlon Taylor!"

    Kyle Modjeski Manicurist
  • "Finally, Karl Rove can get back to work. The White House Brita really needs a new filter, and the lawn hasn't been mowed in God knows how long."

    Alice Verne Video Store Clerk

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