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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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No iPods To Kim Jong Il

The White House has imposed a ban on the sale of iPods to North Korea. What do you think?

  • "This won't do a damn thing. Everybody knows Zune is the preferred MP3 player of the Axis of Evil."

    Sean McGill Shoe Salesman
  • "Ouch! Right in the middle of the North Korean Christmas shopping season, too."

    Allara Jones Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know what good it will do to impose petty sanctions tailored specifically to annoy a crazy foreign leader with nuclear weapons, but what can it hurt?"

    Kai Thornton Large Truck Mechanic
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