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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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No iPods To Kim Jong Il

The White House has imposed a ban on the sale of iPods to North Korea. What do you think?

  • "This won't do a damn thing. Everybody knows Zune is the preferred MP3 player of the Axis of Evil."

    Sean McGill Shoe Salesman
  • "Ouch! Right in the middle of the North Korean Christmas shopping season, too."

    Allara Jones Systems Analyst
  • "I don't know what good it will do to impose petty sanctions tailored specifically to annoy a crazy foreign leader with nuclear weapons, but what can it hurt?"

    Kai Thornton Large Truck Mechanic

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