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Nor'easter Slams Hurricane Sandy Victims

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Nor'easter Slams Hurricane Sandy Victims

The season's first winter storm pummeled the mid-Atlantic coast, bringing rain, up to 8 inches of snow, 60-mph wind gusts, a 2- to 4-foot storm surge, and below-freezing temperatures to areas still reeling from Hurricane Sandy. What do you think?

  • “I texted the Red Cross last week. What else do you want from me?”

    Monique Howe Oil Extractor
  • “Hey, hey, I know one way to stay warm, if you know what I mean! Coal.”

    Iggy Brine Lexicographer
  • “Any news on next week’s storm?”

    Arthur Pelchat Unemployed

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