adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

North Carolina Bans Gay Marriage

By a margin of 58 to 42 percent, North Carolina voters approved an amendment to the state constitution that bans same-sex marriage. What do you think?

  • "I have a policy of not saying anything negative about the South. Otherwise my Alabama friend will hammer me with his Faulkner-Welty-O'Connor tirade again."

    Marla Wint Systems Analyst
  • "Once again, I strongly suspect the underhanded machinations of one Professor Donald Dawes, a con man who travels the country selling state legislatures on phony constitutional amendments."

    Bryan Hewlett Arrowsmith
  • "Damn right it's banned. The Wright Brothers didn't put a plane in the air to see two dudes kissing under it."

    Peter DeBoer Transfer-Car Operator
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close