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North Dakota Enacts Nation’s Strictest Abortion Law

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Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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North Dakota Enacts Nation’s Strictest Abortion Law

North Dakota governor Jack Dalrymple signed the most restrictive abortion law in the country Tuesday, banning the procedure after the first fetal heartbeat is detected, which could be as early as six weeks into a woman’s pregnancy. What do you think?

  • “Think of all the babies who are going to be senselessly born in North Dakota now.”

    Kenneth Tugwood Pitching Coach
  • “Well, maybe this will encourage North Dakota women to be more careful the next time they decide to live in some shitty state.”

    Daryl Berlovitz Script Writer
  • “Whatever, I got a guy.”

    Demi McLagen Wax Blender

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