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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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North Dakota Enacts Nation’s Strictest Abortion Law

North Dakota governor Jack Dalrymple signed the most restrictive abortion law in the country Tuesday, banning the procedure after the first fetal heartbeat is detected, which could be as early as six weeks into a woman’s pregnancy. What do you think?

  • “Think of all the babies who are going to be senselessly born in North Dakota now.”

    Kenneth Tugwood Pitching Coach
  • “Well, maybe this will encourage North Dakota women to be more careful the next time they decide to live in some shitty state.”

    Daryl Berlovitz Script Writer
  • “Whatever, I got a guy.”

    Demi McLagen Wax Blender

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