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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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North Dakota Enacts Nation’s Strictest Abortion Law

North Dakota governor Jack Dalrymple signed the most restrictive abortion law in the country Tuesday, banning the procedure after the first fetal heartbeat is detected, which could be as early as six weeks into a woman’s pregnancy. What do you think?

  • “Think of all the babies who are going to be senselessly born in North Dakota now.”

    Kenneth Tugwood Pitching Coach
  • “Well, maybe this will encourage North Dakota women to be more careful the next time they decide to live in some shitty state.”

    Daryl Berlovitz Script Writer
  • “Whatever, I got a guy.”

    Demi McLagen Wax Blender
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