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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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North Korea Keeps Nukes

North Korea recently rejected a UN resolution demanding the cessation of its nuclear weapons program. What do you think?
  • "Meanwhile, Turkey gave the Czech ambassador a lovely tie. But who ever reports the positive news?"

    Justin Culver Chemist
  • "It's a shame. Talks had been going so well."

    Ginnie Klein Architectural Draftsperson
  • "Well, at least this will give Japan the opportunity to rebuild with even newer, more progressive architectural designs."

    Stephen Babcock Health Food Advocate
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