adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

North Korea To Test New Nuclear Weapon

In response to recently imposed U.N. sanctions, North Korea vowed to conduct its third test of a nuclear weapon, warning of confrontation with its proclaimed “arch-enemy” the United States. What do you think?

  • “I liked North Korea better when I forgot all about them.”

    Doreen Neff Systems Analyst
  • “Man, I want an arch-enemy.”

    Gary Whipple Ice Cream Chef
  • “At least they’re doing all that testing. Imagine how scary it’d be if they were just launching dangerous, untested nukes at us.”

    Walter Mott Avionics Technician

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close