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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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North Korean Nukes

Last week, it was revealed that North Korea has secretly been pursuing a nuclear-weapons program. What do you think?
  • "While it appears that North Korea may indeed have The Bomb, it remains unclear whether they have The Food."

    Gene Franke Systems <br>Analyst
  • "My remarks on this matter will be brief, as the only stereotype I know of Koreans is that they eat dogs."

    Valerie Schmidt Florist
  • "I just pray that this does not interfere with the Koreans' important work animating The Simpsons."

    Christopher <br>Sims Lawyer
  • "Don't worry: It's probably just a bootleg bomb that won't work anyway."

    Bill Cullums Delivery Driver
  • "This news really burns me up. In fact, it vaporizes me into my component subatomic particles, leaving the soil around me lifeless and radioactive for millennia."

    Marcia Martz Homemaker
  • "North Korea may have a few nukes, but we have more than 12,000. That should make everyone feel safer."

    Eddie Rutt Cashier

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