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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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North Korean Propaganda Video Shows Bombed U.S. City

In a brief YouTube video posted by the North Korean government, a sleeping citizen is depicted dreaming about the country’s space technology and envisioning New York City aflame after a missile attack, all while an instrumental version of the song “We Are The World” plays in the background. What do you think?

  • “Oh my God, I had that exact same dream last night!”

    Ken Mirkovich Gate Agent
  • “Wouldn’t it be easier for North Korea to just tell its citizens that this actually happened?”

    Linda Athons Livestock Counter
  • “It’s a chilling video, but nowhere near as freaky as the ads with the Lunesta moth.”

    Samir Hamoud Acrobatic Rigger

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