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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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North Pacific Experiences Waste Surge

Researchers from the Scripps Institution of Oceanography found that plastic waste in the North Pacific has increased a hundredfold over the past 40 years. What do you think?

  • "It's a good thing I don't live in the Pacific Ocean."

    Mindy Hadley Systems Analyst
  • "Thanks for trying, Pacific, but to us romantics, the most mysterious and captivating region of ocean detritus will always be the Sargasso Sea."

    Nick Watson Table Tender
  • “Shit, my bad. I just realized I’ve been putting my recycling in the wrong bin the last 12 years.”

    Justin Floyd Stave Jointer
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Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

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