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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Northeast Sees Rise Of Mutant ‘Zombie’ Bees

Beekeepers in the Northeast have reported seeing an uptick in mutant “zombie” bees that behave erratically due to being attacked by small, parasitic flies that latch onto them and lay eggs in their bodies, which then hatch and cause the bees to become disoriented and eventually die. What do you think?

  • “Beekeepers can be such drama queens.”

    Rachelle O’Quinn Floor Plan Drafter
  • “Shhh—Did you hear that? Buzzing. I definitely heard buzzing. And where’s Debbie? I swear she was just here.”

    Chris Dotrice Aerial Acrobat
  • “I hope those beekeepers know you have to sting zombie bees in the head to fully kill them.”

    Moira Sweeney Systems Analyst
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