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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Northeast Sees Rise Of Mutant ‘Zombie’ Bees

Beekeepers in the Northeast have reported seeing an uptick in mutant “zombie” bees that behave erratically due to being attacked by small, parasitic flies that latch onto them and lay eggs in their bodies, which then hatch and cause the bees to become disoriented and eventually die. What do you think?

  • “Beekeepers can be such drama queens.”

    Rachelle O’Quinn Floor Plan Drafter
  • “Shhh—Did you hear that? Buzzing. I definitely heard buzzing. And where’s Debbie? I swear she was just here.”

    Chris Dotrice Aerial Acrobat
  • “I hope those beekeepers know you have to sting zombie bees in the head to fully kill them.”

    Moira Sweeney Systems Analyst

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