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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Norwegian Mass-Murderer Would Prefer Execution

Anders Behring Breivik, whose racially motivated killing spree left 77 dead in Norway, told an Oslo court he would prefer execution to the “pathetic” 21-year maximum prison term. What do you think?

  • “He seems pretty miffed about the whole thing. Better let him have this one.”

    Sandy Raimi Systems Analyst
  • “He wouldn't act so blasé if he knew he’d be spending his term inside Norway’s most notorious prison—the Fjordview Wellness Retreat."

    Loren Bixler Goods Layer
  • “I’m opposed to him being executed, but only because I’m infuriated by the idea of agreeing with that horrible individual on anything.”

    Noah Domeier Bail Attacher
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