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Notorious R.I.P.

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Notorious R.I.P.

The Notorious B.I.G. was shot to death last week, almost six months to the day after fellow "gangsta" rapper Tupac Shakur was killed. What do you think about the escalating violence in the rap world?
  • "I believe there is a connection between this murder and last November's slaying of Whitney Houston."

    Herb Petersen Limnologist
  • "There was once a man killed for rapping the gospel. They nailed Him to a cross. His name was Jesus."

    Theresa Hull Roofer
  • "Damn... Know what I'm sayin'?"

    Chad Schorr Systems Analyst
  • "Congress has simply got to start increasing public-service announcement funding."

    Kevin Hyland Legal Secretary
  • "These rap stars have got to stop trying to emulate their fans."

    Lorraine Woolhouse Science Teacher
  • "It's the same as all those East Coast-West Coast killings back in the big band days. Artie Shaw. Tommy Dorsey. And they still don't know what happened to Benny Goodman."

    Patrick Prozinski Nutritionist

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