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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Novak Hits Pedestrian With Corvette

Columnist Robert Novak struck a pedestrian while driving a black Corvette on Washington D.C.'s K Street, and had to be chased down by a bicyclist before he stopped. What do you think?
  • "Why is this news? I assume he does this every week."

    Nelly Petrachonis
    Systems Analyst
  • "That pedestrian had better pray he didn't dent Novak's Corvette or else expect retaliation in an upcoming article."

    Eric Steuff
    Pilot
  • "Who was the pedestrian? Or will we have to wait for Robert Novak to publicly reveal his identity?"

    Evan Campo
    Camp Counselor
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