adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.
End Of Section
  • More News

Novak Hits Pedestrian With Corvette

Columnist Robert Novak struck a pedestrian while driving a black Corvette on Washington D.C.'s K Street, and had to be chased down by a bicyclist before he stopped. What do you think?
  • "Why is this news? I assume he does this every week."

    Nelly Petrachonis Systems Analyst
  • "That pedestrian had better pray he didn't dent Novak's Corvette or else expect retaliation in an upcoming article."

    Eric Steuff Pilot
  • "Who was the pedestrian? Or will we have to wait for Robert Novak to publicly reveal his identity?"

    Evan Campo Camp Counselor

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close