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NSA Spied On Online Gamers

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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NSA Spied On Online Gamers

Newly released documents reveal that members of the National Security Agency spied on multiplayer online games, believing that terrorists might be using the games to communicate, coordinate real-world attacks, and pass money to one another. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, I play World Of Warcraft with a bunch of guys from al-Qaeda. They’re pretty good.”

    Donna Sinclair Disc Jockey
  • “So, all this time I might’ve been playing with someone who’s just pretending to be someone pretending to be an orc?”

    Leon Kupperman Window Installer
  • “I don’t play video games, so I’m not too worried about being spied on.”

    Dietrich Brown Poet

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