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Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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NSA: Surveillance Thwarted ‘Dozens’ Of Terrorist Acts

The NSA chief claimed that his agency’s phone and internet surveillance programs had stopped “dozens” of acts of terrorism, and the FBI director added that, had the programs been in place at the time, the government could have also prevented the 9/11 attacks. What do you think?

  • “They don’t have to convince me. I’ll support anything!”

    Lee Walczuk Cheesemaker
  • “It comforts me to know there’s a horrifying reason for my total loss of privacy.”

    Vinita Eddy Systems Analyst
  • “Shit, yeah! Three cheers for the NSA!”

    Clementine Cooper Vegan Chef

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