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NSA Tracking Locations Of Millions Of Cell Phones

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SpaceX founder Elon Musk continues to lay the groundwork to attempt the human colonization of Mars. Here’s a step-by-step guide to his plan:

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CHAPPAQUA, NY—Stating that the former commander-in-chief had his sights squarely set on next Sunday, spokespeople for the Hillary for America campaign informed reporters Wednesday that Bill Clinton is currently resting up in preparation for another evening of sitting upright at the next presidential debate.

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Addressing issues ranging from national security to trade to their personal controversies, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump squared off in the first presidential debate Monday. The Onion takes a look at the validity of their bolder claims:

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HEMPSTEAD, NY—Saying he would probably introduce the falsehood in his opening statement or perhaps during his response to the night’s first question, Republican nominee Donald Trump reported Monday he was planning to throw out a blatant lie about the level of crime committed by immigrants early in the first presidential debate to gauge how much he’d be allowed to get away with.
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NSA Tracking Locations Of Millions Of Cell Phones

According to an investigation by The Washington Post, the National Security Agency is currently tracking the locations of hundreds of millions of cell phones worldwide belonging to both Americans and foreigners, with the agency collecting nearly 5 billion new records per day that allow them to trace the movements of individuals and map their relationships on an unprecedented scale. What do you think?

  • “Sometimes it’s just nice to know that someone somewhere is looking out for you.”

    Michael Schneider Turnstile Attendant
  • "How many are in Macaroni Grill right now? If there's a lot, I'll make a reservation."

    Tom Mills Tax Agent
  • “Then I may as well just admit it now. It’s in my pocket.”

    Sarah Henecky Urban Planning Assistant

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