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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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NSA Tracking Locations Of Millions Of Cell Phones

According to an investigation by The Washington Post, the National Security Agency is currently tracking the locations of hundreds of millions of cell phones worldwide belonging to both Americans and foreigners, with the agency collecting nearly 5 billion new records per day that allow them to trace the movements of individuals and map their relationships on an unprecedented scale. What do you think?

  • “Sometimes it’s just nice to know that someone somewhere is looking out for you.”

    Michael Schneider Turnstile Attendant
  • "How many are in Macaroni Grill right now? If there's a lot, I'll make a reservation."

    Tom Mills Tax Agent
  • “Then I may as well just admit it now. It’s in my pocket.”

    Sarah Henecky Urban Planning Assistant

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