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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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NSA Whistleblower Flees To Hong Kong

Edward Snowden, a 29-year-old contractor working for the National Security Agency, has taken credit for leaking top-secret documents to the press regarding the NSA’s phone and internet surveillance, and has fled to Hong Kong to avoid prosecution. What do you think?

  • “Any excuse to visit The Jewel of the East.”

    Dale Hartman Appliance Refinisher
  • “He’s still in his 20s. You always want to get that leaking-highly-classified-intelligence-data stuff out of your system in your 20s.”

    Jeffrey Greist Genealogist
  • “The NSA probably would have fired him anyway.”

    Janice Leopardi Systems Analyst

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